Thursday, February 14, 2008

Here's the latest version with minor editing, and I do mean minor.

Expressions of Love
An expression of love is a behavior. It is a way to show someone that one loves them though actions, and not necessarily through words (Lemieux 1996). Chapman has come up with five specific expressions of love that he categorizes as the ways to show and express love. They are called the five love languages (Chapman 1992). Research has been done to test whether there are specific expressions of love and if Chapman’s are considered to be legitimate actions of declaring ones love.
Many have tested, and explored verbal and nonverbal expressions of love, but the actual behaviors of love haven’t been looked at much. According to Lemieux, in order for a behavior to be considered as an expression of love, it first must be recognized and perceived by both parties as a behavior of love. It cannot be considered a behavior of love if a spouse doesn’t see it as that, or if the person giving it doesn’t give it with that intention (Lemieux 1996). Chapman insists that people use primarily only one language in expressing and receiving love (Chapman 1992). Lemieux did find that there are specific behaviors that people do to give and express love to others. People were anonymously asked to list out behaviors that were considered expressions of love. After the data was put together; it was found that specific answers were said continuously. Even if a person marked that they have never been in love, their answers were still consistent to those who had been in love, as how they determine behaviors of love. Lemieux put these expressions into five categories, they are as follows: first; mutual activity, which attributed to doing things together i.e. dinner and going to the movies. Second; special occasions, this related to doing special things on birthdays and anniversaries, or getting gifts on Valentine’s Day. Third; offerings, which was giving one gifts. Forth; sacrifices, with was doing things for someone, like the dishes or the laundry. Finally, selfless was the last category, which was willingness to do things with one’s partner that maybe they themselves didn’t like to do (Lemieux 1996). Chapman’s Five Love Languages were found to be quite similar to the expressions of love given by Lemieux. Chapman concluded that the five love languages people expressed where gift giving, quality time, acts of service, words of affirmation and physical touch (Chapman 1992). Gift giving was quite similar to Lemieux’s special occasions and offerings. Quality time corresponded to mutual activity, acts of service matched up the characteristics of sacrifices and selfless. It was also found that Chapman’s love languages are valid expressions of love, and that people do in fact use these specific love languages to express love to one another (Goff 2007). There was actually another category found while testing this. It was proposed that acts of service should be split into two categories, manual service and domestic service. This is most likely due to gender roles (Goff 2007). It is important to find out what expressions are related to love, and what one can do in order to make one marriage more successful.
The study of love must be approach with a broad inspection of its many variables rather than exclusionary focus on only factor. Impetus for this study is further bolstered by Marston and Hecht (1994) cited by Thieme (1996), love is a subjective experience. The way it is experienced will vary from person to person. As such, it must be approached by researchers not from preconceived notions, but from the experience of the test subjects.
Hence, Veale’s (2006) study is inherently limited because it begins with the assumption that Chapman’s (2003) construct is a legitimate model. Whatever results coming from the study, they will be pre-biased by the nature of the questions. Establishing that there are only five love languages will limit the responses of the participants and perhaps eliminate altogether any contrary notion of the experience of love.

Marital Satisfaction
Due to the high levels of divorce these days it is imperative to find techniques that improve marital satisfaction, which in return would reduce the divorce rate. Chapman put his theory to the test. He found in his own practices that putting the five love languages to work did increase marital satisfaction. A couple in distress would come to him for help. He then would assess each of their dominant love languages. After assessing them, he asked the couples to put it to the test. For example, if a man’s wife’s primary love language was quality time, than he would ask the man to make a special effort to try and do things with his wife such as go on a walk, have a picnic, and spend time talking to one another. Consistently Chapman found that by doing this the couples marital satisfaction would increase, or their “love tank” would be full (Chapman 1992).
When couples feel safe secure and relaxed in their marriage it is because they are focused on their partners general well being. They are knowledgeable about their partners needs and take action to care for that partner. High quality marriages are characterized by serving each other, sharing quality time, maintaining intimacy by self disclosure and supporting each other in goals and pursuits. These behaviors are aspects of communal responsiveness or empathy. They are ways of showing love support the definition of a loving relationship.
Clark and Monin believe that other definitions of a loving/quality relationship such as, having a couple rate their marital satisfaction or counting the number of conflicts in a marriage are not as superior. Ratings do not explain why a relationship is satisfying and don’t reveal much, perhaps nothing. People may rate that their marriage is satisfying only because it is better than an alternative circumstance or that it is better than there previous relationship. A present relationship compared to previous ones may influence the certainty of the strength of the current relationship.
Couples will be more likely to be involved in communally responsive or empathetic and loving relationships when they have lower levels of rejection sensitivity and engaged in high levels of self esteem and intimacy. When there is trust for each other and a sense that partners care for each other, the formation, maintaining, and strengthening of a loving relationship is promoted. Therefore, loving relationships thrive on trust. It is through trust that allows partners to view each other in a positive way and take on the role as a forgiver, as well as maintain comfort in the relationship. Communal responsiveness is dependent upon both partners. There are more experiences of loving relationships when communal responsiveness is consistent and often repeated. Symbolic actions of love that establish good personal relationships are forgiving partners, supporting goals and activities, helping one another, and showing care through words.
Symbolic Interaction Theory
According to Klein and Whites, 2002, experiment with questions they found that people may respond differently because they may interpret differently. Symbolic Interaction Theory is how individuals may interpret events or things.
The Symbolic Interaction Theory works because there are commonly shared signs and symbols. However, these commonly shared signs and symbols vary greatly depending on the culture. In each unique culture meanings are assigned to situations, and unless we understand the situation and stimulus we will not be able to understand social behavior.
Klein and White point out that George Herbert Mead is the father of symbolic interactionism. However, he was not the only one to contribute to symbolic interactionism. In the chapter they pose the question, of what it means that the symbolic interaction theory turns most of its attention to meaning. For us to understand meaning symbolic interactionists focus on how these symbols are shared.
Because love is hard to describe in conceptual terms, metaphor is often used to describe its parts, such as “love is magic” etc. These comparisons are useful in helping the abstract to become concrete in the mind. These shared meanings between people establish rules for the relationship and define its parameters. (Kovecses, 1991, cited by Thieme, 1996, p. 27)

This topic relates to the five love languages because touching, words of affirmation, service, receiving gifts, and quality time are all signs that lead to the development of a symbol, love. In order for this symbol to be created the signs must be agreed upon by convection. In our society love is symbol that is commonly shared and understood. The interaction occurs when you are giving or receiving love in the five ways named above. Although these are our signs for the symbol love, in other cultures love may be expressed differently. How is it that we obtain the symbols, beliefs, and the attitudes of our culture? As addressed by Klein and White socialization is the process in which we gain these symbols, beliefs, and attitudes of our culture.
The Symbolic Interaction Theory is constantly being used in our everyday lives. It is the interpretation of commonly shared signs and symbols throughout our culture, and other cultures abroad. Signs and symbols are associated with feelings. Behaviors and actions can be symbols and in this case certain behaviors symbolize love. There are different ways to do this. Supporting a partner in goals, helping each other, enjoying a shared activity, and listening are all behaviors that can symbolize love (Clark 2006).
Love Communication
Two parts to communicating love are, love felt and given to a partner and the partner receiving it as love. Although one may give love, if it is not received as such, then the interaction isn’t what it was proposed to be. In order for the person receiving the love, they must tell there partner what makes them feel loved. Love is communicated when one partner behaves or acts in a way that promotes the other person’s well being.
In a relationship where there is trust that one’s partner is watching out for the other’s welfare, there is an opportunity to take attention off of the self and focus on the other person. Love is experienced only when trust manifests itself in a relationship. Knowing that both care about themselves and each other invites feelings of comfort to self disclose of needs, feelings, and desires. This builds intimacy and promotes responsiveness. It is important to understand that responsiveness needs to be noncontingent or not done just to get something back. Partners enjoy it more when they do things without expecting anything back. A marriage is higher in the hierarchy of relationships and therefore there is greater responsibility. In this type of relationship there is more self-disclosure and people seek help from these types of relationships that take precedence over others (Clark 2006).
According to Duck and Pond, communication is a behavior by which love is communicated, and therefore should be studied further in its connection to relationships. Further, communication has three roles within a relationship: (1) talk is indexical; it reveals the emotional state of the relationship; (2) talk is instrumental; it influences relationship development maintenance, and dissolution and it is the “vehicle” through which relationship roles and the relational climate are negotiated; (3) talk is essential; talk pervades the relationship and thus is the relationship (cited by Thieme, 1996, p. 23).
In Chapman’s book directed towards married couples he suggests the idea that each individual has a primary love language. This is the way that individuals express love emotionally to one another. Although there are many ways to express love Chapman believes that they can be simplified and categorized into five categories. The five categories include; words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch.Individuals that receive love from others by way of words of affirmation feel loved when they receive verbal compliments and words of encouragement. Those that fall under this category need words to touch. It doesn’t matter how else love is expressed if it is not expressed through words, or sweet written notes the love does not reach them and leaves them empty.Spending time with your partner is very important, but to some it is especially important. Spending time together doesn’t necessarily mean that it is quality. Undivided attention and focus on the opposite partner is important for the time spent together to be quality. Conversation is just one way to express quality time, members in this category also like time spent going on walks or going on road trips.Gifts are also a love category classified by Chapman. To some gifts are just expressions of birthdays or holidays, but to those classified in this category gifts are an expression of love that fill the “love tank”. Love is expressed by boxes wrapped with bows, and ribbon. It may seem that these are just material possessions, but to those receiving the gift, it means so much more. When service is thought of most think of just being kind and selfless. This kind of love expression requires time, selflessness, and pure love. For one to feel loved they expect, deeds, chores, favors, and acts of kindness directed towards them. To members in this category this resembles love. When received that is the time when one feels most loved.We see physical touch all around, hugs, kisses or holding hands, and multiple other expressions. To some a touch serves a whole different meaning, love. Touch is how one recognizes appreciation and love. Physical touch is held dear to hearts where this is the primary love language.

It is important to address the so called “third entity” of a relationship referred to as the “relationship culture.” An apt description is provided by Thieme quoting Wood (1982): “a unique, private world constructed and sustained by partners in a relationship.” (p.29). According to Duck and Pond, it is through communication that this culture is created (cited by Thieme, 2006, p.29).

In a study of the subjective experience of love by Marston it was hypothesized that the most basic way that romantic love is experienced is by communication. More specifically, six main ways love is communicated were distilled from the study: traditional romantic, collaborative, secure, intuitive, active, and committed (cited by Thieme, 1996, pg. 24).These manners of love expression and experience have many similarities with Chapman’s (1992) model. Secure love is shown through intimate conversation and acts of service. Active love most closely resembles quality time with common activities and emotional sharing being its primary features. The only one that could be construed as physical touch would be intuitive love, which includes nonverbal communication. Traditional love overlaps with acts of service as well as words of affirmation. Later research on this topic would yield only construct validity for four: collaborative, active, intuitive, and committed. Romantic love was further segmented by the researchers Marston, Hecht, and Roberts (1987).
In marriage there is a mutual desire to feel loved and to express it. The healthiest and most loving relationships are those when there is communal responsiveness and feelings to express empathy and be in tune with each others’ needs. There are individual differences in what people perceive as communal responsiveness when it is projected toward them (Clark 2006).
HypothesisIt is hypothesized that people do have particular expressions of love that they prefer. Also, if that expression of love, or love language is acknowledged by both parties, and used in effort to show the behavior of love, than it is theorized that the marital satisfaction of the couple will be higher due to the proper expressing of that love through particular behaviors.

2 comments:

Rachael said...

good job guys! It really looks good. We had a rough start, but we really came together in the end. Thanks Kenneth for this blog site, it has helped so much! Thanks for the socket comment, lol! Sorry I couldn't be there, oh well! Thanks again everyone.

Bradi said...

Yes Kenneth I agree this blog site is amazing and so helpful! Thanks so much!